5 Ways To Work ON Our Life Versus IN Our Life.
by Dr. Krista Wells, The Military Spouse Coach®
Executives hire coaches to teach them how to work ON their business versus just in their business. It's equally beneficial to apply that approach to our lives. One of my missions as a coach is to share coaching tools with the military spouse community, as military spouses deserve access to the same coaching tools executives are given. In this article, I am going to share five easy ways to coach yourself to success. Each of these ways only take a few minutes and will help you reap amazing rewards in your life.
1. Set A Daily Intentions
I talk a lot about morning routines with my life-coaching clients. A morning routine can really set the tone for the day; however, sometimes life gets in the way of our well-intended routine. If you find that you are living on auto-pilot, here is a quick morning ritual that only takes a couple of minutes and can tide you over until you have the time and energy for green shakes and yoga. I call this the quick fix A, B, C; it is a morning routine that is so fast you almost can't not do it. The first step is think of a motivating affirmation (A) when you first wake up. This affirmation might be something like, “I am worthy of success.” Next, open a window and take in a huge deep breath (B) of fresh air and breathe in appreciation (we can all find something to be grateful for). Lastly, center (C) yourself before you broach the rest of your daily routine. This ritual will remind you reset daily and not live life on autopilot.
2. View Where Things Are At With Compassion
Think about your health, your wealth, and your relationships and consider how each area in your life is right now. Look at the good, the bad, and leave out the ugly. Live in choice and decide that wherever you are is merely a starting point towards your ideal version of yourself. Where we are isn't bad; it just is. Look at your weight, your bank account, and your life with full love and compassion. Stay completely free of judgment and criticism, as these actions don't serve us. If you look at where you are, you can love yourself as you move towards new goals and your goals begin to look less daunting. Then, simply imagine some obstacles between where you are and where you want to be and then lovingly flip those obstacles around to turn them into baby steps. Nowhere in this model is it helpful to wallow in the present. Patt Brewer, a family friend, always says, “It is what it is.” I love the compassionate, nonjudgmental tone in her voice when she says this, so I offer her words to you to carry forth as you move forward.
3. Tame That Gremlin Voice
None of us feel confident 100% of the time; believe it or not, all of us have that little gremlin voice inside our heads. If you let that voice remain untamed, you let it become the rudder of our ship. You can tame this voice if you pause and notice it is there with curiosity. You can laugh and say, “Oh, here you are again Debbie Downer; I didn't' realize you were coming to work with me today.” By naming our gremlin and noticing when its coming out to play, we can laugh it instead and move away from paying too much attention to something that isn't serving us.
4. Act With Integrity
Think about five things that are most important to you, such as your health or your kids. Then, think about five things you value, such as how you spend your time and money. It can negatively impact our self-esteem when we say that health is a priority but actions show otherwise. Now look at both of your lists and ask yourself if there is a way you can align the two lists more effectively and thus live in greater integrity. Post your list of what is important to you as a friendly reminder of what matters most in your life. See if glancing at your list of what matters most helps you to take action in these areas while staying judgment-free. This is a quick and easy coaching tool to help you live more deliberately and will help you put things on your calendar that you actually care about versus letting life get busy with things that don't align with what you want.
5. Reprogram Any Limiting Beliefs
Do you ever go about your day and start tackling your “to do” list and then just feel stuck in a rut? Do negative beliefs creep in and cause self-doubt? Maybe you've even laughed with that inner voice that tried to say, “you are too lazy to tackle this!” I have a little exercise where you can jot down the negative beliefs that come bubbling up with you are under pressure and recognize what might be what is holding you back. Next, you'll replace your negative beliefs with positive beliefs that will serve you much better. This exercise takes five minutes and can help you shift from a place of uncertainty to a place of confidence.
Step 1. Fill in the blank with a pencil.
Step 2 . Now go back and replace each false belief with a new empowering belief that would better serve you.
- My most frequent fear and uncomfortable emotion is feeling…
- I often feel guilty about…
- My Achilles' heel (greatest weakness) is…
- The biggest obstacle that stops me from loving myself is…
- I seek my _________________'s approval (always / mostly / usually / occasionally).
My mother in law often says, “We need to change the channel,” and I think this applies beautifully to reprograming limiting beliefs (a negative thought you have so much it's become a pattern) by replace limiting beliefs with a positive beliefs. You literally reprogram your brain from saying, “I'm not smart enough, I'm too old, or I'll never lose weight” to an empowering thought such as, “I'm worth of success.” Then, you will jot these positive beliefs on a yellow stickie note and put them on your mirror for the next day's wake up routine.
We begin to experience real change when we make little tweaks in our lives, such as establishing a positive ritual when we get up, giving ourselves the space and the love to grow, and pausing to see what is serving us and what isn't. Try out the five tools and see which ones help you. These tools are little tricks to help us live out our life vision and realize that its not about what we obtain in our life and business, but rather how we embrace who we are becoming along the way.
Dr. Krista Wells is a certified professional coach dedicated to empowering military spouses. In her private practice, she focuses on improving her clients' health, increasing their wealth, and strengthening their relationships. In addition to her private clients, Krista offers keynote speeches, workshops for organizations and military bases, and writes for various military publications. She recently launched The Military Spouse Show podcast in an effort to expand her reach and connect with the broader military spouse community. Go to: www.militaryspousecoach.com for more information.
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