Strategies to Manage Imposter Syndrome
by Dr. Krista Wells, The Military Spouse Coach®
Have you ever worked hard to accomplish a goal, only to find—once you achieved it—that you felt like a fake? You're not alone. This phenomenon is called “imposter syndrome.”
When I started coaching, I doubted my own skills. At first, I thought it was a huge coincidence that my first few clients all suffered from imposter syndrome. Military spouses are the last people on earth who should doubt themselves. The strength of our military depends in no small part on their support and dedication.
Eventually I realized that every single client—regardless of their level of success—harbored unhelpful thoughts of self-doubt: “I just got lucky,” they would tell me. “I don't deserve this.”
The frequency of these phrases taught me that we all doubt ourselves. We all need to tame the little voice in our head that says we aren't good enough. Many of us were given messages as kids that to be loved, we had to achieve, achieve, achieve. This limiting belief plays out in adulthood because we don't stop and retrain our brains to embrace success.
I'll share some effective techniques to help you disarm the internal imposter secretly trying to discredit and downplay your accomplishments.
Start Expecting Success
Exercise your capacity to be with yourself at your highest potential. This takes practice. Have you ever gotten to your ideal weight, had money in your savings account, landed a job, or found yourself in an amazing relationship? As soon as you got there, did you sabotage it or feel guilty? I know I have, and my clients have too. They come into my office saying they want to grow a side business, lose weight, or increase their earnings. Then when they meet their goal, they feel ashamed.
Learn to tackle a goal, attain it, and then just embrace being there. When people compliment you, don't downplay it. Say, “Thank you! I worked really hard and feel really blessed.” Lean into your previous discomfort with success. When you learn how to expect success, it starts to feel less scary—and it will keep coming easily into your life.
Live Unapologetically
Instead of telling yourself you don't know enough to even deserve success, tell yourself that it's normal not to know everything and that you'll learn more as you progress. Consider just sitting with an accomplishment without sabotaging it or focusing on the next success.
When your reality becomes bigger than your belief in yourself, that imposter voice will likely intrude on your thoughts. But you can be ready for it, expect it, and not cling to it. Remind yourself that the most amazing gift you can give the world is to celebrate your health, wealth, and relationships without apology.
Know That You're Already Enough
When you acknowledge that you are worthy of self-love regardless of your accomplishments, it becomes easier to accept success. Think about your potential and imagine living up to it in a guilt-free way. Learn to keep your eye on the prize—it can feel good instead of scary.
Before I get on an important call, I take a moment to visualize both the tone of the meeting and the successful outcome I'm aiming for. Attracting what you need without guilt is a skill you can develop. Eventually, you'll start to feel more comfortable when success comes knocking at your door.
Remember, your esteem should come from the effort, not the outcome. Remind yourself of your hard work, and allow yourself to feel pride.
Serving Yourself Serves Others
Success—even success that you've worked hard for—can feel very foreign. But this awkwardness can be remedied through compassion and self-love. The next time something good happens, you may quickly want to chalk it up to your “one lucky break.” Stop and remind yourself that it's not luck: you deserve it.
It's hard to face down imposter syndrome, but we can all learn to manage it. The next time you win, lean into it and allow yourself to feel abundance without apology. Living from that place isn't selfish; it's just the opposite. When we live up to our potential, guilt-free, our success becomes a contagious gift to the world around us.
Dr. Krista Wells is a certified professional coach dedicated to empowering military spouses. In her private practice, she focuses on improving her clients' health, increasing their wealth, and strengthening their relationships. In addition to her private clients, Krista offers keynote speeches, workshops for organizations and military bases, and writes for various military publications. She recently launched The Military Spouse Show podcast in an effort to expand her reach and connect with the broader military spouse community. Go to: www.militaryspousecoach.com for more information.
Have a question about work-life balance for Krista? Ask here. Your question/answer may be printed in a future issue.