Take Care of Yourself While Taking Care of Others
by Dr. Krista Wells, The Military Spouse Coach®
Military spouses have a reputation for juggling a lot of things all at once. They work, support their service member, take care of their kids, and somehow also find time to volunteer in areas they are passionate about. The one thing military spouses rarely ever do is push the "pause" button.
We talk a lot about the logistics of obvious military life stresses such as deployments, multiple moves, reintegration and/or caring for a returning spouseandrarely talk about how impossible it feels to find enough energy to do it all. We try to avoid talking or thinking about the constant subtle stress that exists in our hearts-the "what ifs" andthe underlying,less identifiable anxiety that we live with. Yet,these things exist and leave us feeling more off balance than our civilian friends, so why do we feelso guilty about tending to ourselves?
As a working military spouse and mom, I know firsthand that we tend to focus on what we haven't done yet. What we need to do is to look at our bigger picture. It doesn't matter who you are, how skilled you are, or how evolved you are, it's impossible to put equal amounts of energy into every part of your life. To make progress, you just have to accept that there will be times when you'll feel off balance and bring on some interventions.
One strategy to help you bring some balance into your life is self care. Yes, manicures and massages count, but there are many options when it comes to self care. It includes things like: improving your support systems, creating new healthy habits, giving yourself time for daily reflection, taking actionsthat honor yourpassions, and even keeping some fun things on hand to cheer you up when you need to be cheered up. I keep thank you notes from old clients and photos of my kids being silly that I can look at when I am having a bad day at work, which works as an instant stress reliever.
Another strategy is to pursue your passions. According to research, working in areas you love can actually lower stress and anxiety for both you and the people you serve. Years ago, when I was a key volunteer for the Marines, I realized I wanted to do more than plan pre-ball icebreakers, and host cookie exchanges. I wanted to help military spousestake their careers and lives to the next level. Volunteering helped me figure out where to start and how to proceed.
Finally, choosing the right work is essential. If you are a natural chef, maybe you can teach people how to prepare simple meals or start an online recipe club. If you love crocheting hats for babies in hospitals, maybe you can teach a crocheting class so others can contribute too. Whatever you choose to do, look for volunteer and work opportunities that align with what you want. Not sure what you want? Consider working with a career coach to help get you on track and align your values, skills, and interests with your work.
As you continue to juggle family, work, and supporting a spouse that serves, making time for your own personal and professional development is essential. For example, I'm passionate about helping people grow, so I continue to read personal development books. As I continue to grow, I ensure a level of depth and understanding for the people I work with. Another one of my professional goals is to expand my coaching practice by speaking to a broader audience of military spouses, so I joined Toastmasters to get more comfortable in front of a larger audience. I encourage you to think about the skills you are motivated to use and look for opportunities to create win/win scenarios too.
In the book, "How Can I Help?",the authors explain the distinction between helping with what we do and helping at a deeper levelwith who we are. "We work on ourselves, then, in order to help others. And we help others as a vehicle for working on ourselves." Appreciating the connection between our progress and our service strengthens our ability and desire to participatewith all that we have to offer. Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish. It's a way for us to offer the best of ourselves, and to inspire others with our energy and enthusiasm. So, stop feeling guilty when you need to recharge!
Krista Wells, Ph.D. is The Military Spouse Coach; a professional certified career coach, speaker and contributing writer for several military publications such as milspouse.com, militarymoney.com, and CinCHouse.com. Krista is a motivational speaker and delivers workshops on military bases worldwide to help women create balance between their personal and professional lives. For more information on how to book Krista for your 2014 military spouse event please contact [email protected].
Have a question about work-life balance for Krista? Ask here. Your question/answer may be printed in a future issue.