The Deadly Sins of Team Leadership
by Carol Bowser

I have spent the better part of my adult life diving into workplace conflict. What causes it. What keeps it on life support despite everyone saying that they are sick of the “drama”.  Below are what I have identified as the “Deadly Sins of Team Leadership.”  So if you are leading a team, leading a home, leading groups of volunteers these insights apply.  

Thinking having “Team Players” is enough.  In my time I have seen many, many variations on what it means to be a “team player.”  Every person and organization defines it somewhat differently.  There is a fallacy that if you just hire the right people things will take care of themselves.  Maybe. Not usually.

What is often overlooked is that successful teams have great coaches.  Coaches who know how to define a vision and utilize the individual players to maximum advantage.  So, get to know the players, their strengths, knowledge, talent and interests.  Determine how each prefers to work and encourage active dialogue about the work and the manner in which the work can be accomplished.  Make sure to honor differences, but not at the cost of organizational goals.

Assuming you know what it is like to work for you.  You don't really know what it is like to work for you.  Most people will not tell you.  Frankly, different people experience you differently.  Your aversion to “micro-managing” people may cause you not to give the level of direction that someone else may need.  Conversely, your need for process and rules, may drive subordinate and peers crazy.

The truth is that we judge ourselves based on our intentions while other judge us based on their interpretation of our actions.  Other people can't get into your head any more then you can get into theirs.  You can, however, solicit feedback. Ask a confidant or peer to provide you with direct feedback.  You can devote some time to self-reflection and self-assessment.  Once you have some insight, consider working with a coach or invest in some professional development to determine how to leverage your preferred approaches.                 

Insisting on respect / leading by fear.  You cannot insist people respect you. Respect for some is given until it is betrayed. For others respect is not given until it is earned.  Some may not respect you but will show deference to the position.  Somewhere along the line people got confused thinking that use of punishment and fear is a good way to get respect. Nope.  Just because someone fears punishment does not mean that they respect the person who doles out the punishment.  In fact, they likely hate that person.

Instead, try and find out how other demonstrate respect at work and what respectful conduct looks like to them.  You might be surprised.

Squelching conflict.  This is a big one.  Why? Because there is the misplaced belief that conflict is by nature confrontational and “not nice.”  You can be nice and disagree.  You can respectfully disagree.  You can even assertively respectfully and gracefully disagree.  If you fail to raise concerns or bring errors to people's attention that is not being nice that is being a chicken s**t. 

Know that exchange of ideas is part of the game.  It is ok to get stuck, be passionate, and reach impasse. That is all part of being creative, exploring ideas, and problem solving.  Let people know that you know sometimes getting stuck is part of the process and getting stuck is not a game ender.  Let them know that you want to work through it.

Believing Silence = Harmony.  It isn't. Silence means that people have either checked out or are too intimidated to bring it forward.  If you ask a question and get nothing, ask “what am I to take from your silence?”  Then shut up and listen.

Insisting on “your way”.  Your way works for you.  It has worked for you enough that you are in the position to influence the organization.  Here, I want to distinguish between the Goals (Having a workplace which is productive and free of damaging conflict) and Process.  In the book Clutch: Excel Under Pressure Paul Sullivan illustrates the difference between Goal and Process. 

The Goal is the ultimate result. The process the method used to get there.  Great leaders can adapt the process to meet the goal.  Sometimes this means backing away from your preferred process to include others.  Sometimes it means getting outside of your comfort zone.  Remember it is your way-your preference.  Your way is not the only way.

Trying to do it all yourself / failure to delegate.  No one can do it all.  It maybe your responsibility, but it need not be entirely your work.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard “but it is just faster for me to do it myself.”  Yes, for the short term.  In the long term by failing to delegate work, you are short changing the development of your management skills and denying employees the opportunities to advance their skill sets.  Is it scary? Yes.  Is it uncomfortable? Yes.  Is it risky? Yes.  Can the risk be minimized? Yes.  Why should you delegate?  Simple.  If you do not learn to appropriately delegate tasks, you are disempowering your staff, encouraging learned helplessness, victimization and resentment.

Instead, determine what you can delegate, who you can delegate it do THEN how you can delegate it safely. 

Failing to get help.  You can't and should not do it all.  Help may come from a trusted advisor, a close colleague who is willing to raise the B.S. flag to you, from a friend to whom you can vent or a mentor.  Addressing conflict is often uncomfortable and unfamiliar.  You may have the desire to jump in, but nature and complexity of the conflict may put you out of your depth.  Seek help.

So, any of these look familiar?  Which ones are most prevalent in your workplace, your home or volunteer group?  Look around; reflect on what you see and what others are telling you.  Determine what actions you can take to become a leader that is conflict competent.  Remember, leaders are leaders because people chose to follow them.  Meaning that you have the ability to be a leader- a person of influence- no matter what your position.

So, go on. Give it a whirl.  You just might find that you are good at it.   Let me know how it goes.  I am only a call, tweet, email, shout for help away.

 

 

Organizations hire Conflict Management Strategies, Inc. to increase productivity by easing workplace conflict and tension, to train employees in conflict resolution skills, to evaluate internal conflict resolution processes, to coach key employees to higher levels of performance and to facilitate tangible change within the working environment.

Have a conflict-management question for Carol? Ask here. Your question/answer may be printed in a future issue.