When To Walk Away
by Carol Bowser

When To Walk Away And When To Run:
Determining When You Just Need To
Leave The Relationship

The National Military Spouse Network is dedicated to providing opportunities for career advancement for military spouses.  Having resources such as NMSN is essential. First, know opportunities exist. Second, build a network to help you find your next opportunity. I want to take a minute to talk about when you should consider making a change.  Before jumping in let me say that deciding to leave a job is often a tough decision, even if it seems like an obvious choice.

You might consider leaving if:

1)     You are an independent contractor or a business owner, and you are treated like an employee.

Clients can be confused.  If you are an independent contractor or business owner, you control the how and when the work is accomplished.  Clients who start demanding that you show up to work on site "because we like to have you around" or who begin treating you like a minion instead of a business person are likely confusing you with an employee.

2)     You are treated like a bad employee, even when you perform well.  Yes, there are personality clashes at work.  I am talking about something different. I am talking about when you are feeling personally undermined despite repeated attempts to bridge the relationship gap. 

3)     Your knowledge, skill, talent and interests are no longer being served AND there is little to no chance that things will change AND you know this because you have had a direct conversation with your boss.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• "What am I trying to get out of this experience?"
• "Do I feel taken advantage of?"
• "Am I getting what I expected?" or "Am I getting what I expected but a different way?"
• "What are my skills and talents?" "Does my employer know?"
• Is the emotional toll bleeding out to other areas in your life?
• Are you are being kept awake at night?
• Do you have less time, patience and attention for your family? Your family lets you know in subtle ways that even when you are there you aren't really "there?"
• Are you are crying? Are you are angry? Do you are feel beat up or helpless?

Know that "leaving" does not always mean "quitting."  You can "leave" a position or supervisor by transferring to a different department.  You can "leave" by renegotiating workload and focus.  Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In, tells us that our career isn't a ladder, it is a jungle gym with many ups, downs, lateral moves and leaps of faith.  No one will care more about your career than you.  What looks great on paper may fall flat in real life.  You can and should make deliberate choices about your life and career.  If you need some additional help, I have provided you some of my favorite resources below. Now, go play on that jungle gym. 

Resources:

The Set Up To Fail Syndrome: Overcoming the Undertow of Expectations by Manzoni & Barsoux
The Way We Work by Ulrich-Tobias
Everyday Negotiation by Kolb
Up Is Not the Only Way by Kaye
American Bar Association's Legal Guide for Military Families

 

Organizations hire Conflict Management Strategies, Inc. to increase productivity by easing workplace conflict and tension, to train employees in conflict resolution skills, to evaluate internal conflict resolution processes, to coach key employees to higher levels of performance and to facilitate tangible change within the working environment.

Have a conflict-management question for Carol? Ask here. Your question/answer may be printed in a future issue.