The best internal communication systems can break down. The top performers can be a pain when they  push for their own agendas and timelines.  Even the "Best Places to Work" suffer from workplace conflict.  Unless the hidden sources that cause and escalate the tension and conflict are addressed, bad things happen:  conflict escalates; people suffer; managers lose credibility; business suffers.

The pain of unresolved conflict can be avoided - but only if the source of the conflict is addressed. Here are the Top 10 hidden escalators of conflict at work, how to recognize them, and what to do about them.

• Unarticulated Assumptions

Every conflict has an element of unarticulated assumptions.  Each person has a very closely held belief about "the way things should work" or "THE way things are" - according to them.  Unfortunately, very few people articulate what those assumptions are.  When those assumptions prove incorrect, frustration and anger seep in.

• Unmet Expectations

Like unarticulated assumptions, unmet expectations are at the root of every conflict.  While unarticulated assumptions focus on the way things are done, an unmet expectation is the relied upon outcome.  When the expected outcome does not happen, people become upset and frustrated THEN look for someone to blame.

• Perceived Lack of Respect
  

A HUGE driver of conflict.  What is "respectful" to one person can be the height of "disrespect" to another.  You don't know what other people are doing to be respectful unless you ask.  Others don't know that you believe them to be disrespectful unless you tell them.

• Clashing Communication Styles

Some people speak in headlines.  Some speak in stories.  Some people just hint.  When the communication styles are in sync, everything is copacetic.  When the styles are out of sync, negative attributions fly.  "Bully."  "Rambles on.  Will not get to the point."  "Passive-aggressive."

• Playing "FIXER"

Time and energy are lost by well-intended, unilateral actions.  By jumping in to "solve the problem", individuals often create new problem because they have misdiagnosed the issue and improperly took on the role of "fixer."

• All Talk - No Action

Failing to take action is as bad as playing "Fixer".  Unfulfilled promises to address the problem and hold people accountable lead people to lose faith in you and the organization.

• Fuzzy Boundaries

Power abhors a vacuum. When organizational boundaries and job descriptions are not clear someone will step up or inappropriately take over.  Lack of clear boundaries fuels unarticulated assumptions and perceived lack of respect.

• Running Amuck

Improvisation is great in jazz - horrible in conflict resolution.  Most people never have a difficult conversation because they do not know what to do or how to do it.  The result?  Important conversations never take place or if attempted have poor results

• Blame and Shame Game

Ruminating over whose fault something is never resolves a conflict.  Neither does attributing a problem to someone's "personality".  Discussing an issue is productive only if the discussion leads to resolution, which means identifying the problems and moving to problem solving.

• Arguing with the Line in the Sand

The shortest distance to career suicide is to cross the line that differentiates standing up for yourself from insubordination.  Failure to recognize and respect the insubordination line also escalates conflict at work.  Those who do not feel heard or respected will attempt to BE HEARD through unconventional means - usually by talking more, louder, faster, and to more people.

Fixes: What To Do and How To Do It

• Define the Correct Problem by determining the Unarticulated Assumptions  and Unmet Expectations.  Do this by asking "What about this situation did not meet your expectations?"
• Explore if Perceived Lack of Respectis an issue or THE issue.  Ask "Does respect have anything to do with this?"
• Assess if the Communication Style is driving the conflict, and then adapt your style to the other person's.  Add more details for the storyteller.  Speak in bullet points for the headliner.  Ask broad general questions that do not require stating an individual preference for the hinter.
• Avoid playing The Fixer.  Ask those involved if they want your assistance in their own efforts to solve the problem.  Do not volunteer to take on a burden that someone else can and should do on his own.
• Action Speaks.  Provide updates as you can. Do what you say that you will do.
• Define Boundaries - personal and professional.  Articulate where your boundaries are and where you believe other's boundaries to be.  State "Here is where I see the demarcation line between our jobs.  Do you see them the same?"
• Avoid Running Amuck. Instead have a plan and stick to it. For Example: Step 1-Determine for sure how the other person defines the problem. Step 2-Tell the person what you believe to be their perspective (you could be wrong).  Step 3 Articulate how you see the situation. Step 4 Set an Agenda to address each issue-yours and theirs. Step 5 Dive into the discussion on issue at a time.  Step 6 Memorialize agreements and next steps.
• Move from Blame and Shame to problem solving.  The problem is never the person -- the problem is the impact of the behavior.  Make a deliberate move to problem solving by articulating how each person defines the problem then ask "So where do we go from here?"
• Respect The Line In The Sand.  Once decisions are made it is time to move from advocating your position to supporting the decision.  Ask when the time for evaluating the success of the program will be and, in the meantime, track the success by objective measurements.  It might be that you simply believe the priorities should be different. Unless your job title allows you to make those decisions, it is your job to support the decision. 

The saying goes knowledge is power.   So now that you know the top 10 hidden escalators of conflict, I challenge you to look around your workplace do you see any of the hidden escalators.  Find one then try out the fix.  See how it goes.  You might be pleasantly surprised.

Carol Bowser, JD, is President of Conflict Management Strategies Inc.  A recovering Employment Law Attorney and mediator for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, Ms. Bowser helps  organizations address their workplace conflict, train employees in conflict resolution skills, and evaluate internal conflict resolution processes.  For more information on Ms. Bowser and FREE articles, visit ManagingConflict.com. Carol is married to an Air Force Reservist